My thoughts

Life, a little big detour

There once lived a girl who had no idea what she wanted. She didn’t know who she was, what she wanted, or where to find it. After trying several different outlooks and paths she was still very confused. With so many people telling her to do this or like that she had absolutely no idea what she needed or wanted. Should she go with the crowd and be safe, or go against the crowed and end up lost. She didn’t know. She was utterly confused and had no one to turn to. So like a zombie she carried onward.

There once lived a young woman who thought she knew what she wanted. Convinced she knew exactly what she wanted she went after it. Just like any young woman she wanted a family, she wanted love, a partner, she wanted children, and she wanted to be happy. Within all of this she was still trying to find herself. Everything she did was scrutinized; every move, every decision, everything. Everything she wanted she got, all but one thing. She was not happy, she hadn’t been happy for a long time. Not like happy day to day, because she was generally a happy person.. but inside of her she wasn’t happy. Everything she thought she wanted and what she thought would make her happy didn’t. Except her children, and some days were hard with them. Even though she loved them immensely she longed for more, more for them and more for herself.

There once lived a woman who knew exactly what she wanted, but didn’t know how exactly to get it. Throughout the years she had gone through so much growth, inward and outward. She had been through many stages and each stage helped her get to a state of mind where she knew what she wanted in life and in love. Finally she was finding herself, and within finding herself she lost a few. People she knew were toxic for her, others she distanced herself from, because even though they weren’t toxic they still weren’t the best for her. She needed and wanted to surround herself with like minded people. Free spirits, true free spirits, hippies, homesteaders, off grid livers, witches and earth lovers. Those were her people, her tribe. The person she was, the person she longed to be.

There once lived a woman who didn’t know what she wanted or who she was. As that woman grew she learned many lessons. She learned who would accept her for who she was, and who would ultimately judge her for who she was. She learned who she was, and who she wanted to be as she grew older. She even learned who she wanted to surround herself with as the year progressed. So slowly she started the process of just being her, just letting go and being who she wanted. Unapologetically she is finally happy with who she is, she is excited for what her future holds, and who she sees in her future. With every step she takes she gets closer to her dream life.

There once lived a woman with a dream, a dream to live small, to live simply, to live off grid. A dream to live in a tiny home with her children, and a small homesteaders garden. With chickens, goats, and a couple pigs. To live with nature not against it, to learn from it and to love because of it. She was tired of the mainstream world, she had always been tired of it but never knew it. She tried to live in that world but felt so incredibly out of place. She needed to be with nature, to be where the people weren’t. She wasn’t materialistic enough to live in that world of wanting and needing more. She didn’t need anything but love, her children, and nature. She was a hippie at heart, and wanted to live the way she felt. So day by day, month by month she planned and waited for the perfect time to live the way she always dreamed. Until the day her dream became reality. On that day it will be like a release of emotions, finally living the life she longed for.

My thoughts

Best friend(s)

This post is dedicated to my two very best friends, I appreciate you both so much. No matter how far away or close you may be.

Everyone deserves a best friend; a person who you can trust, and run to with questions. A person who you can tell your secrets to, and know they’ll be safe. I am lucky enough to have two very best friends.

This first lovely lady I met when I was pregnant with my oldest, we met in a weight loss surgery mommy group. Believe it or not I used to be very heavy, but that’s a story for another time. Her and I clicked right away, and the rest is really just history. Friendship without judgment, just pure love and support through everything. She lives on the West coast while I’m over here on the East coast. I don’t know what I’d have done without her throughout my pregnancies and life so far. Her being three hours behind me has some advantages. If I have to take one of the kids to hospital she’s up most times. Since my Facebook is mostly a very small amount of family, and people I know in real life she can update them all for me. I can do the same for her. It isn’t your textbook friendship but it fits us perfectly. She’s heard it all, from my family issues to what my kids vomit looks and smells like. All without batting an eye. For this reason and many others I love her like the sister I never had.

This second lovely lady I met at work, it wasn’t love at first sight, but there was definitely something there. She was avoiding me, and I didn’t know why. I call her my “twin flame” my sister from another mister. Once she stopped avoiding me we instantly clicked. Like our “souls” (and I use that term lightly) found each other. She lives here on the East coast with me, literally like five minutes up the road. She’s been here with me since before I started my search for my father. She has listened to me vent about life, and love, and everything in between. She is an amazing person with an amazing personality. She’s helped plan, and has attended both my girls birthday parties. She’s watched my girls, which you have to be someone I really trust to get that privilege. She’s even on my kids emergency pickup list. Shes Auntie to my kids, and I’m auntie to hers. There’s something so magical about having people like this in your life.

I really wish I had these two wonderful women in my life growing up. I surely needed them then. They say the best comes in time and I surely believe this. I’m just glad I didn’t have to wait until I was grey for these lovelies. Some say you cannot choose your family but I highly disagree. I may have not been able to choose the family I was born into, but I can choose the family I want to surround myself with. These two are my sisters for all the right reasons, and I could not have chosen any better. I love you both and I am so thankful to have finally met you.

My thoughts

Five things I hate, and five things I love.

So for this weeks post I decided to do, five things I hate and five things I love. So here we go.

1. I hate constantly negative people…. You know these people, they never see the good in anything. They always have something to complain about. Even the smallest thing.. Something as stupid as “I’m out of grape jelly.. why does my life suck so much?” Yeah I hate those kind of people.

2. Heavy coats.. I know this sounds silly… however they are bulky, cumbersome, and just annoying. Then again I cannot wear clothing like that. I think it has something to do with my sensory issues. I’m better with light clothing. Which makes me wonder if I belong in a warmer climate.

3. Mayonnaise – vegan or dairy mayo.. something about the texture, and the smell really turns me off. I have to use a long spoon if I’m going to be using it. I refuse to eat it, but others in my home do like it. Yuck!!

4. Being late.. Oh man I hate being late, I do not think I’ve ever been late for anything. If I (or we) have an appointment I will leave between 45 minutes to 1.5 hours ahead of time. Depending on where we’re going. Maybe it’s an OCD thing, but it makes me really uncomfortable being late.

5. Phone calls.. I legitimately hate answering my phone. Don’t call me if it’s not super important. Like think.. is this textable? If the answer is yes, please text me. I know it sounds silly but it’s completely true.

1. I love my yoga pants.. hear me out. I’m not talking about the yoga pants that look like workout pants. These yoga pants I speak of can pull off an everyday look. I can wear sneakers and heels with these. They are also tummy slimming, which I need. They are so comfortable and are boot cut.

2. Smoothies.. I cannot get enough of my favourite smoothie. The mixture of strawberries, mangoes, pineapple, chia seeds, and dragon fruit.. along with the protein nut milk, raw agave nectar and the splash of vanilla.. y’all it’s legit like ice cream. Cruelty free ice cream.

3. The smell of blow dried hair. Have you ever smelled it? It’s like heat, plus clean hair, equals just the greatest smell. Maybe it’s because I’m a hairdresser by trade but I can smell blow dried hair a mile away. I swear I’m not crazy..

4. Yoga and meditation.. I absolutely love the feeling I get when I do these two things. I love the sound of the singing bowls. Just to sit and breath, to relax, and stretch. Man it feels amazing. I’ve been really slacking at this lately. I said earlier that I need to get back to my meditation and yoga. Tomorrow morning definitely back at it. Ekk can’t wait.

5. I love cooking. Mixing flavours, using spices, cutting up veggies, all while listening to music or podcasts.. it’s just my favourite thing ever. It’s like art but edible. The smells my food gives off, is intoxicating even though it’s not meat. I know I haven’t harmed anyone or anything creating my meals. It’s such a wonderful feeling.

Well those are my five and five. I hope you enjoy this silly insight into my mind. Until next week. Love and peace to everyone.